Monday, August 13, 2012

Why I adore the Dollar Store (probably nsfw)

I have been in just a crazy bad mood lately.  My apologies to anyone who had to be in my presence. (No, really, I am sorry.) I am looking into taking a trip to Mexico to get some Prozac or something.  In the mean time, there is the Dollar Store!!

My girls needed some stuff for Girls Camp this week and we thought that we could get what we needed for the best price, and quickly.  Man, isn't it amazing how you don't even know you need something until you see it, and then you don't know how you ever lived without it.


Let's begin, shall we?!?!

This is pretty basic.  But it actually is the same active ingredient as Unisom (which is basically a double dose of Benedryl).  I don't recommend it unless you can be hung over the next day, but it will get the job done.  I am just thrilled that it can be purchased at the Dollar Store.  This will be the back up that I keep in my travel pack. Just so you know if you need a dealer.

Next:


What the crud?  I have been doing Zumba for a couple of hours a week for a month, and all I needed to bring sexy back was some shoe straps?  DOH!  Let's see if they work.
Wow! That actually is more sexy!  No more Zumba for me!


What else can we find that we can't live without?
I am sure these are so much more effective than just baby wipes.  In fact, I am so sure of this that I am keeping these in my purse and passing them out at the park because if specially balanced alcohol free wipes are good for my hooha, how much better must they be for small children's hands and faces.  I am sure this will make me the most popular mom at the park.

And while we are discussing hoohas - THIS:

Who knew there was a cure for Vagi(s).
Just a public service announcement.  If your clothes are making you "itchy" get some new clothes.
Also, this is for external use only...you are welcome.






Moving on...please

I have to give credit where credit is due, and this little gem was brought to me by Courtney.

I wish I wasn't too lazy to upload this for you with it a little less blurry, but I am just that lazy.  Sorry.

Courtney may or may not have called these *titty calmers*.  She did.  I told her that is not a very nice word.

I am sure you want to know if these work.  Let's see, shall we.
Not too bad.  Although, Gage did say that they are not "easier to remove".  In fact, I think his exact words were "owie, owie, owie."  Also, this clever kid found an alternate use.
Shoot, I forgot to rotate it.  Here is that lazy thing again.
I am setting up a PayPal link for this kid's therapy account as we speak (or as you read).

This next little number may have changed my life forever:





Yes!! You can test your kids for marijuana for only ONE DOLLAR!!!! I may have exceeded my allotted number of exclamation points for the day.
Seriously, how much fun would this be?  Let's see, right?!?


That is Courtney's actual pee.  That is on my carpet.  I may or may not be screaming and gagging and dry heaving.

She is, however, "clean" ... for now.


6 comments:

  1. OH.MY.!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! Wow...

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  2. bwahahahhahhaaaa!!!! NICE!! :)

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  3. I will never enjoy the Dollar store quite as much as I do right now! Tears are streaming down my face and my stomach hurts from laughing! (Although I think the tears might be for Gage!) Thanks for starting my day off great...and congrats to Court for passing her test A+ :)

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  4. Ok, this is by far the FUNNIEST blog post I have EVER read, oh my heck, I am dyin....We go to the dollar tree all of the time and I must agree with you though DT=awesomeness and along with that drug test I saw, they actually have a bladder infection test too which I was thrilled about since this is a common reoccuring problem with Natilie and her kindey reflux...I am so glad we were able to see you on our trip, you rock lady!

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  5. I had no idea the treasure the dollar store was holding. I will forever be indebted to you and your ability to bring these essential items to my attention. FANTASTIC! hahahaha

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